I knew I couldn't stay away from talking about Harry for very long. :) This is by far my favorite young adult book series ever, judging by how much I've read them - I am rereading them right now, for about the 70-hundredth time. Seriously, I read them all about every 3 or 4 months and they never get old. I'm so impressed with Rowlings' abilities as an author and really hope she writes something just as amazing in the future - though I can't see how she would do it. It would be like telling Tolkien to please write something better than LOTR - asking a bit much, really.
The main complaint I've heard from parents who won't let their children read HP is the fact that it's about witches and wizards, which are of the occult. I can see how you would come to that objection, but the fact is that no kids are going to go join a coven because of reading these books. In Rowlings' world, you must be born a wizard - it is not something you can learn. It's like being born Jewish or Scandinavian, there's nothing you can do to change that. Before I read the books, I was also told that there was human sacrifice in them and all kinds of other horrible stuff, which is blatantly untrue. There are a couple of kisses, some British swearing, a classic battle between good and evil, and an incredibly intricate plot-line for a series aimed at young teens.
The things I love about these books are too numerous to mention, but I think the biggest draw for me is that the characters are so funny and real. I was depressed for a week after reading book 6, and cried so hard during the last book that I couldn't see to read it. And that was the second time through. I still laugh out loud and am prone to bursting into tears even though I've read them at least a dozen times and know exactly what is going to happen. I've never met a book series that I still reacted to so strongly after reading it so many times. Maybe I've been bewitched, and if so I hope it never changes.
I personally will probably not let Luke read them until he is a teenager, but that is simply because I don't think he'll be mature enough to understand it until then. On the other hand, maybe I'll let him read the first book when he turns eleven, the second when he turns twelve...and just let him grow up with Harry. He could have worse friends.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Tired of Trying to Measure Up - part 2
The second half of this book deals with breaking free from shame and learning to find value, acceptance, and life in what Jesus has done for us and in who we are before God. I'm just going to point out a few things that really jumped out at me and hope for some good discussion. :)
First, VanVonderen discussed the purpose of the Law of Moses - that it was to point out our complete inability to keep it and to drive us to grace. He says that when Jesus claimed to fulfill the Law (Matt. 5.17), what he meant was that "When a person comes to faith in Christ, and makes Him the basis of life, value, and identity, it means the Law has done its job." (p.91) That was very freeing to me. I know that I am not "under Law" anymore, but have been a bit hazy about the meaning of that phrase. To know that the whole point of the Law was to show how desperately I need grace is amazing. "God's law was given to drive us to grace and hold us there." (p.92)
He goes on to talk about who the "enemies of the cross" (Phil. 3.18) really are. We tend to think they are atheists, humanists and so on, but he points out that in the context of Paul's letter to the Philippians, the enemies "were those who said the cross was not enough! ...For a person to assess his life as victorious based upon how well he has followed the Law...is idolatrous..." (p.92) So according to this, those who are actively and obviously opposed to Christianity are not the real enemy; the real enemy is much more subversive and hard to see - the danger to our faith lies in believing that what Jesus did for us is not enough, that we must still earn God's favor. Obviously this is impossible, and leads us straight back into a performance-based, shaming system.
Second, he points out something I would never have thought of on my own and I thought was profound: "you and I do not sin because we want to make life worse for ourselves. Rather, we sin because we believe it will make life better." (p.101) I've put a lot of thought into this, and I believe it is true. Even people involved in sins that make the rest of us shake our heads in wonder ("what on earth are they thinking?!") honestly believe that this is somehow going to work out for them and make them happy. I would never have put that thought together, and it is revolutionizing the way I view both "dead" people (more on that later) and Christians caught in sin. Basically what it comes down to is that we are doing whatever we can to make ourselves more acceptable. "In short, Satan has the whole world on a self-improvement course." (p.104)
About those "dead" people: this is VanVonderen's argument against the idea of the "sin nature". He says that this phrase has been around since Augustine and is completely mixed up. The fact is that the idea of a "sin nature" minimizes the real catastrophe, which is that we're DEAD. "...death is what was passed on, not an evil nature." (p.127) He also mentions the idea of "giving your life to Christ" - which he says is impossible, since dead people don't have a life to give. (p.137) What happens in fact is that you receive life from God when you accept His gift of salvation. We have nothing of our own to give. "A new creation (2 Cor 5.17) is something that wasn't there before." (p.129)
Finally, I was floored by the idea that "people are being shamed in the name of God and taught to walk by the flesh under the guise of spirituality." (p.139) He bases this idea on the fact that even within the church we are taught to how to look good, to pretend that we have it all together, and to ignore and not talk about problems. Our "effort to deny self... actually results in focusing on self." (p.130) In our desperate attempt to earn God's favor - since we still can't grasp that we already have it - we are making the same mistake that Paul argued with the Galatians about. "The Galatians were not going to movies, reading dirty magazines, or dancing. They were getting circumcised! Religion was the fleshly indulgence of Galatia!" (p.144)
I really enjoyed this book and have come away with some pretty astounding new ways of looking at relationships. Am I shaming those around me? Am I looking at myself as someone who is inherently unlikeable? Am I finding my value from God or from somewhere else? Am I sinning by trying to earn God's approval or am I doing what I do out of love for Him?
First, VanVonderen discussed the purpose of the Law of Moses - that it was to point out our complete inability to keep it and to drive us to grace. He says that when Jesus claimed to fulfill the Law (Matt. 5.17), what he meant was that "When a person comes to faith in Christ, and makes Him the basis of life, value, and identity, it means the Law has done its job." (p.91) That was very freeing to me. I know that I am not "under Law" anymore, but have been a bit hazy about the meaning of that phrase. To know that the whole point of the Law was to show how desperately I need grace is amazing. "God's law was given to drive us to grace and hold us there." (p.92)
He goes on to talk about who the "enemies of the cross" (Phil. 3.18) really are. We tend to think they are atheists, humanists and so on, but he points out that in the context of Paul's letter to the Philippians, the enemies "were those who said the cross was not enough! ...For a person to assess his life as victorious based upon how well he has followed the Law...is idolatrous..." (p.92) So according to this, those who are actively and obviously opposed to Christianity are not the real enemy; the real enemy is much more subversive and hard to see - the danger to our faith lies in believing that what Jesus did for us is not enough, that we must still earn God's favor. Obviously this is impossible, and leads us straight back into a performance-based, shaming system.
Second, he points out something I would never have thought of on my own and I thought was profound: "you and I do not sin because we want to make life worse for ourselves. Rather, we sin because we believe it will make life better." (p.101) I've put a lot of thought into this, and I believe it is true. Even people involved in sins that make the rest of us shake our heads in wonder ("what on earth are they thinking?!") honestly believe that this is somehow going to work out for them and make them happy. I would never have put that thought together, and it is revolutionizing the way I view both "dead" people (more on that later) and Christians caught in sin. Basically what it comes down to is that we are doing whatever we can to make ourselves more acceptable. "In short, Satan has the whole world on a self-improvement course." (p.104)
About those "dead" people: this is VanVonderen's argument against the idea of the "sin nature". He says that this phrase has been around since Augustine and is completely mixed up. The fact is that the idea of a "sin nature" minimizes the real catastrophe, which is that we're DEAD. "...death is what was passed on, not an evil nature." (p.127) He also mentions the idea of "giving your life to Christ" - which he says is impossible, since dead people don't have a life to give. (p.137) What happens in fact is that you receive life from God when you accept His gift of salvation. We have nothing of our own to give. "A new creation (2 Cor 5.17) is something that wasn't there before." (p.129)
Finally, I was floored by the idea that "people are being shamed in the name of God and taught to walk by the flesh under the guise of spirituality." (p.139) He bases this idea on the fact that even within the church we are taught to how to look good, to pretend that we have it all together, and to ignore and not talk about problems. Our "effort to deny self... actually results in focusing on self." (p.130) In our desperate attempt to earn God's favor - since we still can't grasp that we already have it - we are making the same mistake that Paul argued with the Galatians about. "The Galatians were not going to movies, reading dirty magazines, or dancing. They were getting circumcised! Religion was the fleshly indulgence of Galatia!" (p.144)
I really enjoyed this book and have come away with some pretty astounding new ways of looking at relationships. Am I shaming those around me? Am I looking at myself as someone who is inherently unlikeable? Am I finding my value from God or from somewhere else? Am I sinning by trying to earn God's approval or am I doing what I do out of love for Him?
Monday, August 3, 2009
Tired of Trying to Measure Up - part 1
Tired of Trying to Measure Up was written by Jeff VanVonderen, a pastor and counselor for many years. He bases his book on his years of experience in counseling and his theories about why people - even people from seemingly good homes and churches - are exhausted emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually and are, simply put: "tired of trying to measure up".
According to VanVonderen, most relational and personal problems boil down to a deep sense of shame, which he defines as "the belief or mindset that something is wrong with you." (p16) That's different from guilt, he clarifies, because guilt is an emotional reaction to improper behavior, something God created us with. He argues that our family and church systems have become places where, instead of being safe and assured that we are loved because of who we are, we are forced to perform in a certain way - usually impossible - and upon failing are shamed for our inadequacies. Over time, we begin to see ourselves as flawed, unlovable, and deserving of abuse.
One thing that particularly struck me was his description of idolatry - which he says is a trait of someone with a "shame-based identity". He says, "Idolatry means basing your sense of life, value, and acceptance on something other than God. ...it is...allowing what the neighbors think to control your actions." (p20) I was blown away by that statement. He goes on later to talk more about that and includes finding or value in something we do, or in how people see us. If, for example, I invite someone over for dinner and they criticize my home or food and that somehow makes me feel devalued as a person, I have been guilty of idolatry for finding my sense of self in my homemaking skills. However, that doesn't mean you should lie to me about it - that would only be encouraging my insecurity, immaturity, and idolatry. So what, he asks, are you finding value in besides God? What are your idols?
Another thing that I identified with was the "can't-talk" rule. VanVonderen says that in shame-based societies, the "can't-talk" rule is probably the most important in perpetuating the situation. You will probably recognize the "can't-talk" rule. It goes like this: we don't have problems. If you think there is a problem and bring it up, you are the problem. If we don't talk about problems, they don't exist. This rule stays in effect because everyone becomes afraid to bring up problems and talk about them, because when they do they are ridiculed and shamed, "viewed as unspiritual for talking about their struggles and feelings - things for which they already feel bad." (p30)
One last thing that I want to discuss is the dysfunctional versus the malfunctional family. VanVonderen says, "Malfunction is when something works but doesn't work properly. Dysfunction is when it gets stuck and won't work, period." (p33) A dysfunctional family is one that breaks down its members instead of building them. He goes on to discuss how family members overcompensate for each other, sometimes in healthy ways - if someone is sick, hurt, has an unusual opportunity that takes them away from the family for awhile. However, adjusting and overcompensating for each other can easily become very unhealthy. "Once a family has become stuck in unhealthy roles, the irresponsible member does not have to resume his place in the family. He is allowed, by the dynamics of the family relationships, to remain irresponsible even though other family members would say that they desperately want him back..." (p37) He says that at this point, it is difficult for that family member to actually go back to their role even if they want it because the family has become so adept at functioning without him that they no longer need him. That is a scary thought, and makes me question how many people I know who are not functioning properly in their families simply because the family no longer has room for them - and how that can be repaired.
Obviously there was a whole lot more in the first part of this book, but those three things really stood out to me and hopefully will be thought-provoking to you as well. I look forward to hearing your comments!
According to VanVonderen, most relational and personal problems boil down to a deep sense of shame, which he defines as "the belief or mindset that something is wrong with you." (p16) That's different from guilt, he clarifies, because guilt is an emotional reaction to improper behavior, something God created us with. He argues that our family and church systems have become places where, instead of being safe and assured that we are loved because of who we are, we are forced to perform in a certain way - usually impossible - and upon failing are shamed for our inadequacies. Over time, we begin to see ourselves as flawed, unlovable, and deserving of abuse.
One thing that particularly struck me was his description of idolatry - which he says is a trait of someone with a "shame-based identity". He says, "Idolatry means basing your sense of life, value, and acceptance on something other than God. ...it is...allowing what the neighbors think to control your actions." (p20) I was blown away by that statement. He goes on later to talk more about that and includes finding or value in something we do, or in how people see us. If, for example, I invite someone over for dinner and they criticize my home or food and that somehow makes me feel devalued as a person, I have been guilty of idolatry for finding my sense of self in my homemaking skills. However, that doesn't mean you should lie to me about it - that would only be encouraging my insecurity, immaturity, and idolatry. So what, he asks, are you finding value in besides God? What are your idols?
Another thing that I identified with was the "can't-talk" rule. VanVonderen says that in shame-based societies, the "can't-talk" rule is probably the most important in perpetuating the situation. You will probably recognize the "can't-talk" rule. It goes like this: we don't have problems. If you think there is a problem and bring it up, you are the problem. If we don't talk about problems, they don't exist. This rule stays in effect because everyone becomes afraid to bring up problems and talk about them, because when they do they are ridiculed and shamed, "viewed as unspiritual for talking about their struggles and feelings - things for which they already feel bad." (p30)
One last thing that I want to discuss is the dysfunctional versus the malfunctional family. VanVonderen says, "Malfunction is when something works but doesn't work properly. Dysfunction is when it gets stuck and won't work, period." (p33) A dysfunctional family is one that breaks down its members instead of building them. He goes on to discuss how family members overcompensate for each other, sometimes in healthy ways - if someone is sick, hurt, has an unusual opportunity that takes them away from the family for awhile. However, adjusting and overcompensating for each other can easily become very unhealthy. "Once a family has become stuck in unhealthy roles, the irresponsible member does not have to resume his place in the family. He is allowed, by the dynamics of the family relationships, to remain irresponsible even though other family members would say that they desperately want him back..." (p37) He says that at this point, it is difficult for that family member to actually go back to their role even if they want it because the family has become so adept at functioning without him that they no longer need him. That is a scary thought, and makes me question how many people I know who are not functioning properly in their families simply because the family no longer has room for them - and how that can be repaired.
Obviously there was a whole lot more in the first part of this book, but those three things really stood out to me and hopefully will be thought-provoking to you as well. I look forward to hearing your comments!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
